It’s 11 am. I haven’t changed into real clothes. I have to drive to New Orleans tonight. I have so much shit to do.

I reject this version of reality. Okay? Okay.

I’ve been informed that when people say ‘I love you’ early in relationships, it is generally understood that this is supposed to mean something less than when you say it, say, after being together for a few years. Yes, I get that. Then why use the same words? Because, as a rather literal person, I can’t get over it. I just know that I don’t know you enough to be sure I love you.. How could you be sure about me? I wouldn’t be.

It takes me a long time to form real attachments to people. So, it weirds me out when I hear the words “I love you”. For some reason, it bothers me in a ‘can’t-be-ignored’ sort of way. Because, really, how could you, after dating me ( in a long-distance, see you twice a month, way) for 4.5 months, really know me enough to be sure you could love me? There’s so many things in my present & past that you are unaware of. My logical mind tells me that you can’t possibly. 

When did I transition from a “it’s cool to be knowing you better!” relationship, into a “I need to be close to you because you make my life!” relationship? I’m not okay with this transition at all. Sigh.